one year ago today...
I stacked all the chairs and pushed together all the desks one last time. With tear filled eyes, I stood in that dark, quiet room and replayed the last four years over and over and over in my mind. I thought about the students who had passed through those doors, the teachers I had taught next door to or down the hall from; who were now some of my very best friends. I thought about the laughter, the tears, the joy, the frustration, the excitement. I thought about the principal who believed in me enough to give me a chance. Here I was giving that all up. And for what, so I could be a mom, just a mom, a stay at home mom. What was I thinking???
Well, honestly, in that moment, I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing. I doubted myself and my decision, a lot. I just knew I needed something else, perhaps something more.
Here's what I know for sure... I let the teacher role define me. I was blinded. I didn't understand that I could be more. That was me, a teacher. Teacher first, mom and wife second, and then anything else last. I will always be a teacher. Always. These days tho, I am teaching my children by being their mom. I needed this chance to realize that being just a mom is okay. In fact, it's more than okay. It's with out a doubt the place He brought me to, and wants me to be now. Who says you can't be more than one thing in this life, anyway?? I am learning to let go of definitions and enjoy this season.
Now, don't get me wrong, there are days that I wish I was in that classroom teaching instead of reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the one hundred, fiftieth time today, or picking up the toys, again. But, I know this won't last long, and she won't always want to sit in my lap and read the same book over and over. And, he won't always want me to come to school and eat lunch with him and then turn to give me a big hug when it's over. Truly Grateful. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to get to be just a mom and experience these things with my babies.
There is joy in this journey. Somedays, I have to look harder than others to find it, but it's still there. I hope you find joy in your journey.....
"Bless the Lord, o my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name." Psalm 103:1
Well, honestly, in that moment, I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing. I doubted myself and my decision, a lot. I just knew I needed something else, perhaps something more.
Here's what I know for sure... I let the teacher role define me. I was blinded. I didn't understand that I could be more. That was me, a teacher. Teacher first, mom and wife second, and then anything else last. I will always be a teacher. Always. These days tho, I am teaching my children by being their mom. I needed this chance to realize that being just a mom is okay. In fact, it's more than okay. It's with out a doubt the place He brought me to, and wants me to be now. Who says you can't be more than one thing in this life, anyway?? I am learning to let go of definitions and enjoy this season.
Now, don't get me wrong, there are days that I wish I was in that classroom teaching instead of reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the one hundred, fiftieth time today, or picking up the toys, again. But, I know this won't last long, and she won't always want to sit in my lap and read the same book over and over. And, he won't always want me to come to school and eat lunch with him and then turn to give me a big hug when it's over. Truly Grateful. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to get to be just a mom and experience these things with my babies.
There is joy in this journey. Somedays, I have to look harder than others to find it, but it's still there. I hope you find joy in your journey.....
"Bless the Lord, o my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name." Psalm 103:1
No comments:
Post a Comment